Before a baby is even brought into the world, life completely changes.
Pregnant and new moms are filled with a variety of complex emotions when their baby is born, from pure bliss to stress as providing constant care for a newborn is often overwhelming.
Those first few months of a new mom’s life are transformative. New moms should fill the first few months of motherhood with flexibility and celebration for their growing family.
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Hannah Keeley, a Virginia-based parenting expert, master board-certified life coach, and mom of seven, spoke with Fox News Digital about advice for new moms during the first few months with their baby.
- Give your brain a break by limiting screen time
- Embrace a new normal
- Don’t try to achieve balance
- Allow yourself to be in control of setting boundaries
- Don’t feel obligated to take every piece of advice that comes your way
- Get outside in some capacity each day
1. Give your brain a break by limiting screen time
One of many changes new moms endure is with their sleep schedule.
New moms aren’t going to get the same quality sleep they once had.
Often, women are told to rest when the baby is asleep. Keeley offered a slightly different approach.
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“It’s funny, because when a mom first has a baby, everyone, they mean well, but everyone always says, ‘Make sure you sleep when the baby is sleeping.’ But what happens when you do that is other things get undone, and then you have a sense of overwhelm, and you feel like things are falling apart around you,” Keeley told Fox News Digital in a video interview.
Instead, Keeley said to limit time doing things such as scrolling on your phone, and prioritize rest instead.
“A first-time mom needs a moment where her brain is not actively making decisions,” Keeley explained. “We have a lot of decision fatigue with the mom brain and the easiest way to have that kind of buffering time when we’re not making decisions is to go to our phones and scroll. Sometimes, just because the brain is looking for like a big sigh of relief, we’ll spend an hour on our phones and not even realize that.”
Keeley suggested setting a bedtime for yourself, and as soon as that window opens up, try to get right to sleep. With this approach, Keeley noted that new moms still may not get a lot of sleep, but they may find they’re getting the adequate amount to function.
2. Embrace a new normal
Routines before a baby and after are going to look quite different from each other. Complicated feelings will be running rampant.
“This is not just a new way of life, this is also a new brain,” Keeley said. “What people don’t understand is the woman’s brain changes anatomically and cognitively, after she has a baby.”
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Instead of working against your brain, embrace new routines.
“We need to learn how to embrace a new normal, and learn how to work with our brain,” Keeley told Fox News Digital.
When it comes to setting new routines, Keeley recommends keeping them simple and flexible.
“I think the first routine I would try to establish as a new mom is what I call book-ins,” Keeley said, noting that it’s setting a very simple morning and evening routine for yourself.
These routines don’t have to be overly complicated. Keeley explained that a morning routine could be something like spending five minutes writing in a journal or sitting outside enjoying fresh air.
A quick nighttime routine might include setting out clothes to wear the next day, Keeley noted.
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When it comes to setting a routine, celebrate the small wins. Creating a laundry list of to-dos for yourself as a new mom is going to leave you disappointed when tasks inevitably don’t get checked off.
Instead, decide on small tasks that are easy to get done which focus on you and your happiness. This might include deep breathing through mindful mediation, or reading a chapter of your favorite book.
3. Don’t try to achieve balance
Even though having balance is something new moms often strive for, it’s not something that should be sought after, Keeley said, adding that if your life has balance, it means you’re not growing.
“If you’re going to embrace growth and transformation and movement, you have to kind of abandon this clinging to balance and trying to achieve that,” Keeley explained.
She also advised new moms to embrace the idea that nothing has to be normal during this time in your life.
“Sometimes we think the new mom life is like how everything is going to be forever, but really, that new mom life is just a temporary chapter,” Keeley continued. “So hold compassion with yourself and say nothing has to be normal. If I want to sequester myself inside with my baby for three days straight, I’m going to give myself permission to do that, and when I know I’m ready, then I can reach out, then I can engage, then I can establish a new routine, but right now, nothing is pressing.”
4. Allow yourself to be in control of setting boundaries
A baby joining the family is an exciting time for everyone. Family and friends will want to visit.
Don’t feel the pressure to always say “yes.” When it comes to setting boundaries, Keeley said that new moms should use a permission slip concept.
If the mom prefers no visitors for a week, then they can write that on their metaphorical permission slip.
Keeley noted that this concept can be difficult for many new moms, as so many are also people pleasers. But, for a time, let go of that need for everyone to be happy, so that you can really focus on the needs of you and your baby.
“I want you to imagine if you could just allow that people pleaser in you to excuse herself, for the first month. She’s not allowed to make decisions,” Keeley said. “Honestly, people pleasing is just a passive form of manipulating other people, so you don’t feel bad about what your choices are.”
5. Don’t feel obligated to take every piece of advice that comes your way
New moms may receive advice, some of it unsolicited.
Whether it be from family, friends or the internet, there is plenty of information out there, and it is certain to overload you if you take it all at face value.
At the end of the day, there is no secret formula to motherhood. There are no one-size-fits-all tricks. Even if something works for one mom, it’s not necessarily going to work for you, too.
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While the advice of others can be vital in certain situations, allow yourself to forge your own path.
“Understand that the heart can be good, like people who want to give you advice, think that they’re helping you. They think they’re serving you, so it comes from a place of love,” Keeley said.
Additionally, when deciding whether to take advice from another person, Keeley said to always look at their life, and think about if it’s one that you love.
“If I don’t want their life, I don’t take their advice,” Keeley said. “If I don’t want the relationship that they have with their children, I’m not going to follow their advice on how to raise my own. If I don’t want their marriage, I don’t want to take their advice on how to treat my husband.”
6. Get outside in some capacity each day
As a new mom, don’t overlook the importance of the sun against your skin, grass at your feet and fresh air flowing around your body.
“One thing that moms don’t realize they need, and they need it desperately, is just being in a place without any walls and any ceilings,” Keeley told Fox News Digital. “If you think about it, a new mom is often sequestered inside. Nothing’s wrong with that. But we start to compartmentalize our thinking, we start to think smaller, we start to think more with parameters, and that often leads to overwhelm, anxiety and potentially depression.”
Keeley encourages new moms to spend at least 15 minutes each day outside.
In whatever way you can, make that outside time with your baby something you do together on a daily basis, for the well-being of you both.
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