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Flirting may do more than spark romantic interest — experts say it can also benefit emotional well-being, as long as it stays within appropriate boundaries.
Dr. Mindy DeSeta, a clinical sexologist and mental health counselor in Miami, Florida, defined flirting as a “one-on-one interpersonal experience,” delivering a message that someone is interested in learning more about another person.
Flirting in general “feels good,” the expert told Fox News Digital, adding that there are both emotional and physiological effects.
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Flirting may activate brain chemicals involved in pleasure, reward and social bonding, DeSeta said. It can also lower the stress hormone cortisol.
“It builds confidence, it’s a positive social interaction that improves self-esteem,” she went on. “What I also hear is that people want to flirt in general because it makes them feel attractive and desired … That’s a normal human feeling.”
DeSeta views flirting as a signal of attraction and believes it should remain between romantic partners or people pursuing a romantic relationship.
“It’s really hard to be platonic because it does release that bonding hormone,” she said.
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For those who feel the need to flirt with someone who is not their partner, the expert suggested this could be a “red flag” for what’s happening in the relationship.
“As a sexologist, I’m a huge believer that we must date and flirt with our partner every day,” DeSeta said.
It’s normal for relationships to sometimes need a “reboot,” she said.
“In one marriage, you’re going to get many, many marriages… you’ll find people getting stale or very hollow in their relationship, and that’s when you will start looking outside to get those needs met, especially in flirting, because it’s something that’s very easy to do.”
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If flirting begins to extend beyond the relationship — from a coffee-shop barista to a colleague at the office — DeSeta advised stopping “immediately” and redirecting that energy toward the partner.
“Be vulnerable and go in with, ‘I miss this about us. I want to bring this back into our relationship,’” she said. “And don’t forget to share, ‘This is what would make me feel attractive and desired by you.’”
When flirting fades
Dr. Anna Elton, a licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical sexologist in Massachusetts, said couples struggling with intimacy often miss the fun they shared at the beginning of their relationships.
“There’s a time and place for flirting, and you have to be in the right headspace.”
As couples devote more attention to schedules, errands, bills and child care, other aspects of the relationship can get pushed aside, Elton said. Affection, physical touch, flirting and playfulness may become less frequent, making room for “stress, conflict and growing resentment.
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Body changes, aging and stress can also affect how confident or desirable people feel, Elton noted.
“When couples have been together for a long time, I ask them, ‘So, how do you flirt with your partner? How do you let them know about your erotic intentions?’ And they say, ‘Oh, we don’t flirt.’”
Creating a “new language of flirting” can help couples reconnect and spark intimacy, Elton said.
Bringing back the spark
Elton suggested small ways to rebuild connection, including a 20-second hug or a six-second kiss.
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Small acts of self-care, such as applying lotion or following a skincare routine, can also help people “feel more connected with themselves,” she said.
DeSeta cautioned, however, that flirting may not always be welcomed by a partner, depending on timing and mood.
“I’ve heard from my couples, ‘They were trying to flirt with me when I was unloading the dishwasher,’” she noted as an example. “There’s a time and place for flirting, and you have to be in the right headspace.”
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“Maybe when someone’s in a stressed mood, they’re really focused on work, or they’re just doing a task that does not make them feel sexy – this is not the right time.”
Positive signals from a partner, such as leaning in, making eye contact and smiling, can indicate that flirting is welcome. Still, partners should communicate about when flirting feels appropriate, DeSeta added.
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