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As the nation marks 25 years since Sept. 11, 2001, the weight of the loss of loved ones still looms.
Podcaster David Ferrugio, author of the new book “You’re Not Dead Yet,” joined Fox News Digital to discuss how his own grief persists 25 years after 9/11.
The host of the “DEAD Talks” podcast lost his father, David Frances Ferrugio, who worked at the World Trade Center, in the 9/11 terrorist attacks.
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Ferrugio, who was 12 years old and living in New Jersey at the time, recalls watching television footage of the towers collapsing and “breaking down.”
“It was like a dividing moment in my memory and my life, because I was one person on September 11th and then on September 12th. It was a whole new reality I walked into, which inspired what I’m doing.”
After years of internalizing his emotions, Ferrugio discovered the power of sharing stories of grief. On his podcast, he invites guests to discuss their own experiences with death and loss.
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“Eventually, I got comfortable expressing myself and learning the importance of just sharing [my] story and telling people how I feel and opening up,” he said.
Drawing from his own experiences, Ferrugio shares several lessons that have helped him navigate grief.
No. 1: Embrace the uncomfortable
Although discussions of grief can be difficult, even decades after a traumatic event like 9/11, Ferrugio said “embracing the uncomfortable” and talking it out is “an important piece of this complex puzzle.”
Sharing stories of loss can provide emotional release while also helping others feel less alone, he noted, adding that he’s seen firsthand how those conversations can make a difference.
“Even when I have my days of just not feeling it, I’m reminded by the people who reach out and the way they share their story … how much it is impacting so many people.”
Finding a sense of community can be especially meaningful at a time when so many people are experiencing loneliness, whether they’re grieving or not, Ferrugio added.
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“I’ve learned so much through the eyes of others, and I think the storytelling is just so vital.”
Fear of judgment often keeps people from sharing their stories, even though doing so can bring a sense of “liberation,” according to Ferrugio.
No. 2: Embrace a new perspective
More than two decades after the attacks, Ferrugio shared that his mental health has improved after putting in “a lot of effort,” including shifting his perspective on life and death.
“Life and death are the same coin, just two different sides – and there’s a thin veil between them,” he said.
“It’s completely shifted the way I live my life through seeing what other people are going through … understanding the pain people are experiencing, how they manage it … how they reframe it, and understanding that as alone as this life can feel, we’re not as alone as we think.”
“It’s important to zoom out and realize, ‘I’ve done this for 25 years, and I’m still here.'”
Grief can reshape how people approach life, Ferrugio said, encouraging them to be more present, embrace the full range of emotions and give themselves grace, even during life’s most difficult times.
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“Ultimately, all these conversations I’ve had are conversations about grief, but they’re really conversations about how we can live this life.”
No. 3: Breathe
When painful emotions or a wave of grief start to roll in, Ferrugio’s go-to technique is to allow himself to feel it and “breathe it out.”
“A lot of breath work works wonders for me,” he said. “A deep breath is going to do more for you than you think.”
Along with breath work, Ferrugio said exercising and spending time in nature have helped calm his nervous system, noting that what works best varies from person to person.
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“We forget to look inward, and we all have that intuition and that guttural feeling – we have to trust what we’re saying to ourselves,” he said. “What feels good? Does this feel like it’s working?”
No. 4: Find light in the dark
According to Ferrugio, it’s important to allow for moments of joy, even during times of grief.
“Give yourself permission to feel moments of levity, to feel moments of joy, even if it is for five seconds … just take those moments and cherish them, because the contrast of the joy and pain exists for a reason.”
“It’s not easy to feel however you feel, but it takes a lot of effort and discomfort to try to step out of that … Whatever we go through in life, it’s an ebb and flow, and sometimes both are happening at the same time.”
On the 25th anniversary of 9/11, Ferrugio acknowledged that the pain of losing his father remains.
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“For anyone else who’s been part of that day, I just hope they look back at the days they’ve gone through and see that they’re still here,” he said. “You’re still with us, and you’re still grinding, you’re showing up for the people in your life.”
“It’s important to zoom out and realize, ‘I’ve done this for 25 years, and I’m still here.’”
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