First Monday of May? Don’t mind if I do! A new month, boys and girls. A big month, too. This is the month, for me at least, that the year really starts to crank up.
I hate winter. I’m not a huge spring guy. I love summer, mainly because it’s the final bridge to the fall, which is easily the best time of the year. It’s not even close.
For me, summer starts this month. I know it’s technically not right, but summer goes from Memorial Day weekend through Labor Day Monday. That’s summertime. Memorial Day to Labor Day. The little calendar in the upper right corner of my computer tells me that we’re exactly three weeks away from Memorial Day, which means we’re 19 days away from the beginning of Memorial Day weekend.
And that means, folks, that we’re 19 days away from summer. Let’s roll.
Welcome to a big Monday — the one where Lindsey Vonn still has a fastball despite being on not one, but two crutches. Doesn’t matter. This is why she’s a Hall of Famer.
What else? I’ve got plenty of #content from a big weekend, I’m somehow in pretty good shape today after my brother’s wedding, and is this Fenway Park proposal the toughest thing you’ll sit through today? Maybe! We’ll see.
Grab you whatever Star Wars-themed drink your local bar is serving today to celebrate May the Fourth, and settle in for a Monday ‘Cap!
Wedding weekend 2026 is in the books
So, we’ll go ahead and jump right into the wedding weekend before we check in with Lindsey and get this week started.
- I shot an 85 in Friday’s rehearsal dinner game. I putted like absolute garbage. Our group finished second and I got my $20 back that I secretly stole from our kitchen drawer stash. The First Lady never knew the difference. I was sweating.
- I had to give a speech Friday night at the rehearsal dinner after my brother called me out of the bullpen since my other brother (his best man) got moved to the main show on Saturday. I jotted a few things down on my phone that I wanted to say, but about 30 seconds after getting the mic I turned my phone off and free-balled it. I’ve never been someone to just read a script. That’s boring.
- I had about five whiskey-waters before the speech and didn’t eat any of the appetizers they were walking around with. Risky business, but, from what I’m told, I made it work.
- Going out after the rehearsal dinner is always the kiss of death on a wedding weekend. It’s bitten me two years in a row now.
- Waking up to both my kids jumping on me Saturday morning had me fighting for my life.
- (That’s not my bother. That’s a stock photo I put in here because we have to now have three pictures in all of our stories. So, there you go. Love this.)
- The biggest stress on the actual wedding day was whether or not both those kids would walk down the aisle without causing a scene. I’ve never sweated so much in my life. They both nailed it. You really do live vicariously through your kids.
- David Allan Coe was played at the reception. So was the obligatory, “Courtesy of the Red, White & Blue,” by Toby Keith. Both songs garnered, by far, the biggest reaction of the night.
- The bar ran out of Michelob Ultras 90 minutes into the reception. The bartender told me they sold 450 bottles in an hour, which I found quite impressive.
- Pro tip: For your next wedding, set up gambling lines for the entire day. Over/unders on everything. Length of the first kiss. Speeches. How long it’ll take to get to the ceremony. You name it. We were all counting the seconds when they went in for the first kiss. I had OVER 2.5 seconds. They cleared it by a mile. What a rush!
What a weekend of #content!
A good weekend. As far as weddings go, there were no real disasters. I’ve been a part of some doozies. This one was pretty seamless from start to finish.
And hey! We even had a few readers in attendance. This class cleans up well. Well done to all.
OK, let’s get to the best #content from a big weekend, and allow a recovering Lindsey Vonn to lead us off:
Fenway, ump/coach fight & Maggie wishes everyone a happy May the Fourth!
Another excellent weekend. A good way to end April. A better way to start May. A couple thoughts …
- My uncle was on a Spirit flight home Sunday morning. Obviously, that didn’t happen. Instead, he had to re-book for Southwest for $1,400. Thanks, Elizabeth Warren!
- Look at the elite company Spirit now joins, though … Blockbuster, Circuit City, Kmart. We had it so good, and we just pissed it all away.
- 19 more Sundays sounds surprisingly doable.
KESHA WENT SKINNY DIPPING FOR MOTHER NATURE, KRISTIN CAVALLARI MODELS FOR HER BRAND & CONES OF SHAME
- McDonald’s eliminating self-serving soda stations by 2032 seems like a piece of news that won’t matter in 2032. McDonald’s has no clue what this world is going to look like in six years. None. The elimination of the soda fountain will most likely be small potatoes in that world.
- That being said, the Diet Coke from McDonald’s is, easily, the best beverage in the fast food industry. There’s just something about it. It’s special.
OK, let’s rapid-fire this Monday class into a big Monday night. First up? Let’s head to the diamond and check in on today’s youth!
Goodness gracious. I was never part of a game that included a coach/dad throwing hands with the umpire, but we’ve been close a few times.
Imagine, just for a second, getting THAT fired up over an 11U baseball game. Also, it’s 8-0 in the third inning. At that point, you’re just running out the clock and praying for the mercy rule so you can get to the Beef ‘O’ Brady’s down the street before the bar closes.
And hey! Beef ‘O’ Brady’s! Another one of those former establishments up in foreclosure heaven. Is Beefs still a thing? We used to have one in our town years ago, but it’s been a while. Sad.
Next? Let’s head on up to Fenway and tie the knot!
Good Lord.
She looks pissed. He looks humiliated. They force a kiss at the end, but that’s clearly just for the cameras. They’re just trying to save face at that point. It had to be the most uncomfortable moment at Fenway Park this season, and that’s saying something given the team is (in)arguably the worst team in baseball.
Which brings me to my next point … why schedule a proposal at Fenway right now? Has this guy not followed the team this season? They are an embarrassment. They stink.
They’ve already fired half the team, and they’ve been in the American League cellar for a month now. The players are fighting. The coaches don’t even know half of them by name. The team flat out STINKS.
FOX NEWS SPORTS HUDDLE NEWSLETTER: BILL BELICHICK’S SURPRISING NORTH CAROLINA DEBUT, ALABAMA DROPS THE BALL
And you schedule a marriage proposal?! That’s on you. You dug your own grave on that one.
OK, that’s it for today. Excellent start to (almost) summer. Let’s finish strong with Maggie Sajak as the world’s hottest Jedi, and have a big week.
See you Wednesday.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Ever live bet a first kiss? Email me at [email protected].
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