Cut off by your adult child? Psychology researcher reveals what parents should do next

Family estrangement has become increasingly common in the U.S. — but experts stress that reconciliation may still be possible after relatives have cut ties.

A 2025 YouGov poll found that 38% of U.S. adults were estranged from at least one close family member, including 16% who were estranged from a parent and 10% from a child. Among parents estranged from their children, 70% said they would consider reconciling.

Research also suggests that many parent-child estrangements eventually experience a period of renewed contact. In one nationally representative study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, 81% of adult children who experienced estrangement from their mothers later became unestranged, as did 69% of those estranged from their fathers.

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While every relationship is different and there are no guarantees, Texas-based psychology researcher Dr. Richard Blake stated that the majority of estrangements do come to an end – but willingness to change and find common ground is key.

In many cases, parent-child estrangements are a cycle — “they’ll re-engage, then they’ll fall out again,” Blake said. “One of the key things from the research is that adult children will reach out and if they see nothing has changed, they’ll estrange again.”

In an interview with Fox News Digital, the psychology researcher shared the following steps that may increase the likelihood of repairing a fractured relationship.

No. 1: Aim for stability first

Estrangement from an adult child can be seen as a form of “ambiguous loss” — a situation in which someone is gone but there is still hope they could return, according to Blake.

He compared the situation to having a child missing in action: “You don’t know if he’s dead or alive and you kind of have to grieve, but you don’t really know if you should be grieving, because there’s hope.”

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Research supports the significant emotional toll of estrangement. In a 2025 study of older parents, being cut off from an adult child was associated with poorer well-being and a reduced sense of purpose, as well as greater depressive symptoms.

Before attempting a reconciliation with an estranged parent or adult child, Blake said the first priority should be stabilizing oneself.

“What I tend to recommend first is to get that person stable, have healthy habits and build a community,” he advised. “Good mental health practices are really important.”

No. 2: Listen and validate

When communication with an estranged family member is possible, Blake recommends repeating back what the other person has said and acknowledging how they experienced the conflict before offering a different perspective.

“Listen to the other person and then actually repeat back what they said as you understood it, and validate that – like, ‘Oh, I can see why you felt like that. I see why you interpreted it in that way,’” Blake said.

It’s important to resist the impulse to immediately correct, contradict or defend, and to acknowledge the other person’s experience without necessarily agreeing with every aspect of their account, according to the expert.

After listening, parents should be open-minded about making some changes as needed, Blake said.

“I really tell our parents … if you’re 100% perfect, great … but most parents have done something wrong, something that they want to change. And if they want a relationship with their child, they are going to have to change some things.”

No. 3: Pause before reacting to accusations or labels

Certain labels used during family disputes can make compromise more difficult, Blake noted, an issue he refers to as “moralized language.”

“I talk about these therapy words that get thrown at parents … abuse, toxic boundaries, narcissists, gaslighting, all those things,” he said. “In the research, when you use moralized language like that, compromise becomes far more difficult.”

“I don’t think anyone can promise, ‘I can get your kids back.’”

To parents on the receiving end of this type of terminology, Blake’s first recommendation is not to immediately react.

“I tell adult parents to pause before they really react, because it’s understandably going to make them very angry.”

Taking time before responding can help keep the conversation from escalating and allow both sides to focus on the underlying conflict rather than reacting in the moment.

No. 4: Focus on specific behaviors and events

After pausing, Blake recommends asking the other person to explain specifically what they mean, going beyond broad labels to the behaviors underlying the complaint.

“Okay, you’ve used the word toxic – can you describe the behavior or behaviors that you consider to be toxic?” he asked as an example.

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Blake distinguished between describing a person’s behavior and its impact on you, and assigning that person a sweeping label.

“If someone says, ‘When you criticize my weight, I left dinner feeling really, really upset,’ that’s a fact. That’s the person’s interpretation,” he said.

“But if you say, ‘You’re toxic because you always criticize me,’ it’s very difficult to come back from that. So it sort of inflames the situation.”

That approach shifts the conversation away from judgments about character and toward concrete actions and events that can actually be discussed.

No. 5: Use ‘I’ statements; avoid ‘always’ and ‘never’

When continued communication is appropriate, Blake suggested using language that focuses on a person’s own experience of a conflict rather than beginning with an accusation.

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“First, I would start by using ‘I’ statements, rather than ‘you,’” he advised. “It’d be like, ‘When you said this, I felt like this. When this happened, I did this.’”

This allows the person to discuss their own reaction to a specific interaction rather than beginning with an accusation.

Blake also recommends avoiding absolutes, such as “you always…” or “you never…” when trying to resolve a conflict.

In cases involving abuse, threats or other safety concerns, however, reconciliation or continued communication may not always be appropriate, he noted.

No guarantees

Although Blake maintains there is always hope for a reconciliation, he acknowledged that there is no single guaranteed formula for restoring a fractured relationship.

While there are many people who are “selling” reconciliation services, Blake cautioned, “I don’t think anyone can promise, ‘I can get your kids back.’”

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The goal is to create better conditions for reconciliation, not to promise that specific actions can achieve it, he noted.

Ultimately, Blake’s advice is for the person to focus on things within their control, such as embracing healthy habits, aiming for stability and building a community.