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Most families wait to talk about senior care until an emergency hits, but experts say having those discussions early can lead to better outcomes and less conflict.
Tatyana Zlotsky, CEO of A Place for Mom in New York City, said 77% of the families she works with tell her they wish they’d acted sooner.
Planning before a crisis gives families more time to compare care options, understand costs and honor an older adult’s wishes instead of making rushed decisions, the expert advised.
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“If you think about this being an extremely stressful, financially burdensome decision already, doing it under the duress of a medical emergency makes it 10 times worse,” she told Fox News Digital. “And yet most families are still not taking action.”
Family caregivers lose an average of $21,000 per year as they cut back on work to care for aging relatives, she noted.
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Families generally tend to procrastinate because they suffer from caregiver burnout, according to Zlotsky, who specializes in providing support services and digital tools for finding local senior housing options.
“They’re already dealing with so much, it’s nearly impossible for them to predict the situation sooner,” she added.
“Doing it under the duress of a medical emergency makes it 10 times worse.”
“It’s a reconfiguration of a parent-child relationship … the parent wants to maintain their independence … the child becomes the one providing the care,” Zlotsky went on. “And so the senior resists this at all costs … and the adult child is not sure how to have the conversation.”
The discussion shouldn’t wait until a fall, hospitalization or other medical emergency, according to the expert.
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Warning signs to watch for
Zlotsky emphasized that cognitive decline often begins with subtle changes in executive functioning — not always dramatic memory loss. Adult children should pay attention to these signs during routine visits, as they may signal that it’s time to talk about future care plans.
These may include, but are not limited to, any of the following, according to the expert.
- Spoiled or expired food accumulating in the refrigerator
- Bills or paperwork piling up that were once handled routinely
- Frequently misplaced keys, phones or other everyday items
- Difficulty recalling recent conversations or events
- Changes in the ability to complete familiar multi-step tasks, such as making coffee
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“Maybe Mom has made the same pot of coffee for the last 20 years,” Zlotsky said as an example. “Now all of a sudden she doesn’t drink coffee anymore … the truth might be that it takes five steps to fill the coffee maker … and her executive functioning skills are failing her.”
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She encourages family members to look for those signs earlier, and to seek guidance from a professional.
“You can’t be required as a caregiver to diagnose Mom or Dad,” she said. “You really have to be able to get consultation.”
When having the conversation, Zlotsky emphasized the importance of listening to the older adult’s preferences.
“Your parents do have opinions on how they want to be taken care of, and what that looks like and who does it,” she said. “It’s really about having the courage to start that conversation and engaging in it.”
“If you can break through that ice and really get to the core of what they need and want, it can make the financial and emotional journey much easier.”
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