Hello? Anyone out there? Is anyone in class today?
For those of you who didn’t skip, congrats! That’s dedication. I’ll be be honest, if I wasn’t working today, I’d be so far from the internet I’d probably forget it even existed.
Nothing like Fourth of July Eve, right? An underrated mini-holiday. Christmas Eve is the GOAT. The night before Thanksgiving is a good one. But the day before the Fourth, especially on the magical year when it falls on a Friday? Elite stuff. This is why we grind in June and keep our heads down during Pride month.
For days — and weekends — like the one we’re about to get. Happy 250th, America. Let’s roll.
Welcome to a Friday Nightcaps — the one where Olivia Dunne parties her tail off while Paul Skenes get lit up like a firecracker.
What else? I’ve got the best of the rest from a big week of #content, the WNBA ladies sent Caitlin Clark a DISGUSTING message this week, and how about we end the day with some patriotism, courtesy of Dale Earnhardt Jr.?
DALE EARNHARDT JR. BROUGHT NASCAR BACK TO LIFE 25 YEARS AGO THIS WEEKEND, BUT THE PAIN IS BACK
Any objections? Of course not! This is America, after all.
Grab you a rum punch because the internet tells me that was the most popular drink back in 1776, and settle in for a Friday ‘Cap!
Olivia Dunne had herself a big night at the white party, which always sounds hilarious
From the wokes over at Google:
In 1776, colonists drank a staggering amount of alcohol, with rum serving as the most popular spirit. Because water was frequently unsafe and tea was politically boycotted, everyday favorites included rum punch, hard cider, and ale. Coffee and hot chocolate were also highly popular.
Rum was the undisputed king of colonial spirits. Because it was distilled from Caribbean molasses, it was deeply tied to the “taxation without representation” protests that sparked the war. People drank rum punch at almost every gathering, often sharing from a single communal bowl.
There you have it! Can’t wait to grab me a ladle and dig into a nice bowl of rum punch this weekend. That stuff is dangerous, by the way. One can turn into five fairly quickly if you’re not paying attention. Trust me.
OK, that’s enough history for today. It’s a holiday Friday. We don’t need a history lesson. We need a white party!
No, it’s not what you think. Fanatics founder Michael Rubin throws an annual “White Party” every year, which is basically just a party for the richest people in America and they all have to wear white.
Why? I have no idea. Seems a little cultish to me. As always, the stars were OUT at Rubin’s Southhampton house, including Olivia Dunne, who was there solo because Paul Skenes was busy getting shelled in Philadelphia.
Brutal.
What a fight!
Goodness gracious. What in the world has happened to Paul Skenes this year? He got rocked in his first start of the season against the Mets, but settled in nicely after that and everything seemed rosy. But the last two weeks have been atrocious, to the tune of 11 earned runs in his last nine innings.
Olivia Dunne, meanwhile, is up in Southhampton partying her tail off with Jake Paul’s fiancee, Olympian Jutta Leerdam.
Don’t love the vibes right now around Paul. Some say his velo is down, which always makes me queasy with these young pitchers who throw 100 mph every pitch. I don’t want to say it, but … we’re all thinking it.
Let’s hope this is just a blip. America is better when Paul Skenes is embarrassing hitters with Livvy in the stands pounding Miller Lites.
OK, let’s get to the best content from a big week. First up? Let’s head up to the rooftop and smash some SKULLS:
Caitlin Hate Tour & Dale at Daytona
What a week! And goodness, what a fight. Never quite seen that before. How about that one guy who gets thrown off the roof like a ragdoll? Just humiliating. I’d run for the hills after that and pray I never saw any of them again.
OK, let’s quickly rapid-fire this Friday class into a big weekend and get outta here. We’ve all checked out at this point, right? It’s all performative.
First up? Let’s check in on the Caitlin Clark Hate Tour as it continues to roll on through on another week:
Incredible. Those insufferable girls voted Caitlin Clark the 11th-best guard in the WNBA.
Eleventh!!!
The fans voted Clark as the second-best guard in the league, behind Paige Bueckers. That’s fair. The media voted Clark as the third-best guard in the league. Again, pretty fair.
Her fellow WNBA players, amazingly, ranked her 11th, which is somehow worse than last year when they put her ninth.
They really hate her, don’t they? REALLY hate her. It’s remarkable, especially given she has made these scornful women richer than they ever thought possible. A rising tide lifts all boats, right?
Wrong, apparently.
There is no world that exists where Caitlin Clark is the 11th-best guard in the WNBA. It’s not possible. Have you all watched a WNBA game recently? Heaven help you if you have to watch Angel Reese play for five minutes.
And you’re telling me that Caitlin Clark isn’t one of the best players in the league? Come on!
Disgusting.
PS: Clark spoke today for the first time since getting mugged, for those interested:
Shockingly, Caitlin was the most well-spoken out of everyone whose talked! Didn’t see that one coming.
And no, that was NOT OutKick or FOX who wrote that stupid headline. It was the wokes over at the New York Times.
Again, shocking.
OK, that’s it for today — and this week. Happy Fourth of July, everyone. Happy 250th, America.
Take us home, Dale Jr.
Twenty-five years ago this weekend! Nuts.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
How are you celebrating the big 2-5-0? Email me at [email protected].
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